Heartbreak Then, Heartbreak Now

When we were younger, and our heart breaks, it felt like the end of the world–as if the ground would open up and swallow us whole in chaos.

When we are older, we know that the world will not end and that indeed, life goes on. But with age, so does our pain mature in that the feeling of hurt is rooted in reality. The reality is that as days pass, we are psychologically compelled to forget and mend ourselves.

In this sense, our heart heals but instead we are introduced to a new type of pain. This pain does not grab you in one fell swoop, but rather gnaws at you with numbing persistence. The sorrow in understanding that what once was beautiful no longer exists, and continues to fade. The disappointment in knowing with every morning, it will continue to become a distant memory, in knowing that it will be replaced. There is pain in wondering how something and someone who made us so happy could become nothing more than a faint imprint on our lives. The pain in not wanting to let it go, but having no other choice.

Meaning in the Arbitrary

The key to everything in life, I’ve realized, is to accept that it is arbitrary. No matter how we wish to romanticize it with talks of fate, destiny and meant-to-be’s, the only truth is that for every reason, there are even more unexplainable’s. There is no invisible guiding hand that pushes us down one path or the other. We just retrospectively justify that we are supposed to be¬†where we are.

It gives us an ignorant solace, because it is too difficult to accept that every string of events is nothing more than orderly chaos or chance. I believe in the opposite. It is easier to accept the most destitute situations by realizing that there is no “greater plan.” Things happen just because, so stop weaving together a fantasy to pacify our fears and insecurities.

There is no point in obsessing over what could have been or what was. There are no signs from the universe, clairvoyant premonitions or foretelling dreams–just random incidences that we piece together in hopes of giving life meaning.